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Great Sporting Moments

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Quotable Quotes from our Friends on Planet TV

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" [Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard].

Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

O.K.! So we make the odd mistake.....

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Wilma, I told you not to feed that penis enlargement stuff to the fish!

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Sometimes, you can't help wondering just who did design your bike!

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A young boy comes home from school & his mother says, "What did you do today?"

To which the boy answers, "Oh, the usual, I had a math test, I got an A in Spelling and I had sex with my English teacher."

The mother, aghast, doesn't know that to say. She stammers and finally, angrily, she says, "Go in & tell your father what you just told me!"

The boy goes into see his father & says, "Gee, mom sure is mad." The father says, "Why?"

"I just told her what I did in school today. I had a math test, I got an A in Spelling and I had sex with my English teacher."

Well the father is beside himself with joy. He gives his son a nudge and a wink and says, "Congratulations - you passed a milestone. I tell you what - let's go out and celebrate. We'll have some ice cream and then I'll buy you a new bike."

To which the boy says, "The ice cream sounds great Dad, but let's hold off on the bike a few days - my ass is killing me."